Destructive Relationships

I just had a realization this morning. Have you ever been in a destructive relationship? Have you ever been around someone who plays the I-know-you-think-this-way-about-me game? Someone may say to you, "I know you think I'm sinful, and you don't like me." Then they sit back, watching you. After all, if you don't say something, then you must obviously agree, right? So, you feel forced to give an account and a defense, and prove your love to the person. "No," you say, "I don't think that way, and I do love you." Then they make the you-don't-sound-sincere face, and so you feel compelled to nearly crawl on your knees to prove your agreement and love to this person. At the same time you feel angry and violated, but you're not sure why. And it was all for thoughts and words you NEVER even said.

Another variation of the game goes something like, "so you don't agree, huh?" You wake up out of your daydream, and the person repeats the question louder, and you feel compelled to voice your agreement, and you'd better say it in a believable manner. Otherwise, there'll be Hell to pay.

Well, I see this game now. I suppose that such people are highly insecure, and play this manipulative game to feel assured of your love, your approval, or even your allegence. By God's grace I will no longer participate in a destructive relationship. I'll be silent as Jesus did when he was accused, or I'll talk about something entirely different. They may twist off at me, or spiral into a deep depression in front of me. Listen! I don't owe someone an account, defense or explanation for words THEY put into my mouth. If they are paranoid, that's their problem.

How to Believe

From Charles Capps:

When it comes to receiving from God, the will of God must be known before faith can be released. Everything hinges on knowing what we believe and believing what we know is the will of God. In Matthew 21, Jesus gave us valuable information about receiving through faith.

Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this [which is done] to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done. And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. (Matthew 21:21-22)

When it comes to the prayer of petition, if a person doesn’t know the will of God concerning their request, they can’t possibly pray the prayer of faith concerning that matter. Faith comes from hearing and knowing the will of God. If there is a question concerning God’s will, your faith will always stop at the question mark. There are several instances in Jesus’ ministry where everyone in the multitude who touched Jesus was healed. Then in other places everyone that Jesus touched received their healing. But in Mark chapter 1:40-42, we have a classic example of how faith stops at the question mark.

And there came a leper to him, beseeching him, and kneeling down to him, and saying unto him, If thou wilt, thou canst make me clean. And Jesus moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and touched him, and saith unto him, I will; be thou clean. And as soon as he had spoken, immediately the leprosy departed from him, and he was cleansed.

The leper had great faith that Jesus could make him clean. But the phrase, If thou wilt reveals that he had a question as to whether He would or not. Jesus being moved with compassion, laid His hands on him, but nothing happened. The lepers’ faith could go no further than his knowledge of this matter. But as soon as Jesus revealed His will concerning the matter the leper received his healing. So you can see how important it is to know the will of God. Sometimes it is a matter of life or death.
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Abusive or Domineering People

Scientists have long been fascinated by how predators can paralyze their victims with fear without ever touching them. A couple of years ago, researchers discovered that tigers emit a growl that is slightly below the threshold of normal hearing. However, the victim feels it, and the unconscious mind “hears" it, responding in paralyzing fear. Tigers use this skill to paralyze their prey so that they can then easily overpower them. Many predators besides tigers do this.

Abusive or domineering people do a similar thing to their victims. The controlling personality uses the victim’s own guilt and insecurities to manipulate them. The victim has no idea how, but finds she strangely yields to aggressor. The aggressor, like the tiger, knows precisely how to emit the right words to “guilt” his victim into doing almost anything he wants – all without ever touching them.

The aggressor, like the animal predator, looks for a victim who is filled with insecurities and weaknesses that he can take advantage of. He then uses the victim’s own insecurity and guilt to manipulate them like puppets. Women are frequent victims because many women (more so than men) are frequently plagued with guilt. They feel guilty for eating sweets, they feel guilty for having too much fun, they feel guilty for not spending enough time with their children, spouses or parents, they feel guilty for not doing enough for loved ones, they feel guilty, guilty, guilty. The controlling personality easily exploits this weakness to serve his own needs.

Often the controlling personality will use religion to manipulate and control. He will pick a victim(s) who is not well-grounded in the Word, and will use the very scriptures to produce condemnation and guilt. The aggressor uses verses of the Bible to make the victim feel fear and guilt. Once the person is guilty, he is easily controlled – all without ever touching him. The victim often feels he is serving God by letting the aggressor run all over him. Like the insecure woman, the religious victim is “guilted” into doing almost anything the aggressor wants. Remember Jim Jones? The controlling person, just like the tiger, knows exactly how to push the victim’s buttons to render him/her paralyzed – all without physical contact.

New Life

Our faithful old dog died some months ago, but now we have a new addition to the family - Abigail. Abigail has got plenty of energy. She runs like a bullet in circles around the living room when I come home from work.